


Buffy Summers' 10 Golden Rules for Dating Dean Winchester: A Comprehensive Guide.

by Mythstaken



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV), Supernatural
Genre: BuffyNatural, Crossover, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:41:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23437117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mythstaken/pseuds/Mythstaken
Relationships: Buffy Summers & Dean Winchester, Buffy Summers/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	Buffy Summers' 10 Golden Rules for Dating Dean Winchester: A Comprehensive Guide.

**Buffy Summers' 10 Golden Rules for Dating Dean Winchester: A Comprehensive Guide.**

PREFACE: Ever wonder what it takes to date Dean Winchester? How many times a day do you feed him? Does he need to go on walks? How many times do you have to sit through movies about fisting cowboys before it becomes too much? How much bacon is too much bacon? And god, what is that grandpa music that he loves to listen to? Don’t worry. Our team here of experts (me, Buffy Summers, I’m the expert) here have compiled together rigorous studies and research and have come out with the top 10 golden rules for dating Dean Winchester. Buffictically proven, completely slayer proof. Apply it to that hunter in your life and tamper as needed, just like an easy-bake oven recipe.

**THE RULES**

**1\. Understand that he is a package deal**. (And learn to share. Sort of.)

No one wants to be the other woman. No wants to know that he is going to another to fill in the space that you can’t seem to. That the same sweet nothings that are being said to you, are a mere replica of what he says to her. She was in his life before you, and you have to accept that. She knows him in a way you don’t and he knows exactly what she likes and what makes her purr. She has a special place in his heart and it is one that you can’t fill. No matter what, so you know what? Don’t even try. Don’t fight it, just accept it, because you’ll come to learn that three is a party. Even when he calls her “Baby.” Even then.

**2\. Accept that he sometimes acts like a five year old or grumpy cat. There is no in between.**

There are going to be moments that make you shake your head in disbelief because you swear that there is a five year old inside that man’s body. It’ll come when he gets to play with toys he never gets a chance to use often (that grenade launcher, oh man.) Or when you’re in the middle of being surrounded by a nest of fangs and he is cracking a funny. His humour will sometimes resemble a teenage boy, but you know what? That’s okay, because yours probably does, too. Also, I promise you, you will never get tired of the way his eyes light up and when he gets those crinkles by his eyes. Because that’s when you are gifted with the glimmers of that little boy who grew up too fast. TIP: Try mentioning cowboys and Clint Eastwood. Star Wars. And just watch. Then there are moments where you think he is an old man. Think, “Get off my lawn, damn these youths” type. The type where you don’t want to talk to before he has had his morning coffee or at least an hour of shut eye. He’ll answer in gruff sounds that are supposed to be words, but you just have to roll with it because you will probably just laugh to annoy him more. (Besides, he looks adorable in that robe and sleep-ruffled hair.)

**3\. Never forget the importance of pie. (Or food in general.)**

Pie. That is is the answer. To everything, and I mean, everything. He isn’t picky, he’ll take any. Trust me, you haven’t seen anyone down a pie like Dean. He won’t even spare the crumbs, because we wouldn’t want that to go to waste. “The best spot for pie in town” is one of his presets. I am pretty sure he keeps a map and marks them down. Happy wife, happy life? Nope. Be the apple of his pie. You’ll never go hungry. Feeling peckish after a late night rough and tumble with the bad and the even badder? Have no fear, for Dean’s appetite is here. He won’t make you feel bad for always feeling like you could eat a horse. Constantly wanting anything fried? Best thing? You always get desert. Oh, and bacon. He loves his bacon. Remember that. Extra is even better. Milkshakes and late nights when neither of you can sleep are going to be frequent. And remember, no matter what, DON’T forget the pie. (And no, cake is not the substitution for pie.)

**4\. Everything will become a competition. Everything.**

Who can eat their piece of pie faster? Think your kill list is higher than his? Want to brag about how your toys are bigger than his? Debate the pros and cons of using stakes or guns to get a cleaner fang kill? Who can smooth talk the clerk at the front best to let you into the building? Who can name more pop culture phenomena? Who is going to be the first one to get to the car? Or whose death and resurrection was worse? (You will need to have multiple to come even close.) “Nu-uh” - “Yuh-huh.” Expect that. A lot. Because seriously, everything, EVERYTHING will become a competition. And it will annoy everyone around you, but that is okay. Because even that will become a competition. Always friendly, of course. (Let him have that extra fang. Sometimes. On the rare occasion you’re feeling selfless.)

**5\. Accept his grandpa taste in music.**

Okay, so here is the thing. Dean sort of seems to have this thing against the Hot Top 40 because he hasn’t joined us in this decade. Sometimes, his music has more screeching/yelling and drums than you want. Sometimes, you get flashbacks to what your parents would listen to when you were growing up and you wonder how. Don’t get him started on Ariana Grande. (He just doesn’t get it. It is okay. He is an old man.) And if you get him started on Dave Grohl? Man alive, it is going to be hours of fanboy passion (and you are secretly going to love listening to him talk about what he loves.) Then you see him trying to be a one man band, air drumming and playing guitar to a sold out show in his head and you can’t help but crack a smile. And you know what? You’re going to find yourself listening to Joan Jett when he isn’t even there. That’s when you know you’re a goner. But also — you’ve caught him secretly bobbing his head to Taylor Swift, so, you’re both guilty. Even though he will say that it just happened to be on the radio when he started his car. Uh-huh.

**6\. Always steal a shirt (or two.)**

You’re honestly just doing him a favour. No one needs that many plaid shirts. No one. Not even lumberjacks. So getting one or two off his back? That would only be helping him at this point. Maybe even one of those shirts with those weird, obscure band references. Because he’s “cool.” Just because they smell like him. Because when it’s been weeks, and he’s across the country, you’re going to want to keep that piece of him. (His coziest is the red and black flannel which he might be missing. Oops.)

**7\. Just accept that his smile will make you a goner, all bets off, you can never stay mad at him.**

Have you ever tried staying mad at a puppy? Because that is just cruel and can’t be done. It is the same sort of deal here. You can’t even pretend to be at mad at him because he will do that stupid, Dean daydream smile and all bets are off, gone, vanished, presto-poof. Your insides will be pudding. TIP: When he does it when you are trying to be serious, you WILL crack a smile. Don’t fight it, it is just easier that way. But seriously, you will never go to bed mad at him. He won’t let it happen, and neither should you.

**8\. Understand (and begrudgingly accept) that his idea of romance is pet names that include picking at your size.**

If you’ve grown up watching movies like ‘Sixteen Candles’ or ‘Say Anything?’ Well, I got some news for you. Keep watching them, because this is not a boombox outside your window type of situation. When Dean wants to get affectionate? Don’t expect “baby”, no, that is reserved for HER. You’ll get the occasional “sweetheart”, but the real winners are the ones he based off of your height. Last name. Or features. Or history between the two of you. Some examples of this might include but are not limited to: Shrimp, fun-size, Summers’, munchkin, and the ever beloved bite-size. To others, they might sound a little weird and totally un-romantic, but you know what? They’re yours. Meant for just you and that makes them even better than the over-used ones everyone else uses.

**9\. Know that his love language is in actions, not words.**

He’s come a long way from being someone who wouldn’t even talk about his feelings to being able to do it (on a good day after a lot of throat clearing.) But that still isn’t his first choice. When he’s loyal? He’s dog loyal. Never ever doubt that he won’t come through for you, because he will. I’d bet my life on it. He’d never wager yours. A man of few words, but actions so many. It’ll be in the little things he does for you that are so big. End up falling asleep on the couch? You’ll wake up with a blanket, or sometimes, even in your own room. You won’t ask, but you will look up from a book of ancient baddies to find a meal in front of you because he noticed you hadn’t eaten in hours. It’ll be in the way that he knows, even in your quietest moments, when something is wrong. Even when you’re covering with the quippy and the peppy over the phone, and a couple of days later, he is at your doorstep with some ice cream and willing to sift through the DVR and suffer through another episode of This Is Us, just for you. Or the way his hand will somehow always find yours. He’ll keep you close, reassuring, always having the instinct to be the one who protects. (Even when you’ve literally stopped the apocalypse so many times that it is an extra-curricular by now.)

**10\. Love him (even when he tries to push you away.)**

The most important one is this — to love him. Even when he doesn’t want to himself. It isn’t all going to be a peanut butter smooth walk in the park. There are going to be days where his stubbornness and white-hot anger are a steel wall that forces a separation. There are going to be moments where he will try and convince you that he is poison and that everyone around him will end up dead. There will be days where the unspoken demons find a voice and they will and they will thrash and you’ll find yourself drowning. There will be days where you’ll find yourself cutting skin over his jagged pieces. But that’s okay, because you find your reflection in those same pieces. You’re one in the same. Because, you know that there is no one else you’d rather be with and that nothing else makes sense. You don’t believe in fate or destiny even when it is written, but you believe in him and you believe in what you have. You see good. You see the best. You see him for all that he is. Because, god, when he looks at you? Home isn’t a place, it is a feeling. A person. The days where everything is loud, or the silence is deafening, all you have to do is love him. Fiercely. Devotedly. Always. End of the line? You’re seeing it through, together.

 *** BONUS - 11 *** : Know that none of this will be useful at all to anyone because no one is ever going to ever be able to use this Guide. Because I, Buffy Summers, the Keeper of the Quip and Wielder of Verbal Mastery, learned all the rules inside out and then some tips and tricks that I will take to the grave (the second time around.) I may be the slayer and all, but even my niceness and selflessness has its limits. A gal can’t be perfect you know, even if my Californian dreamin’ hair is. I deserve it after saving the world from going ka-ploey. So, just burn it.

 _END NOTE_ : Evidence was collected over the years in long analysis and data over subject in many different environments. No hunters were harmed in the making of this comprehensive guide. Maybe just Dean’s dignity, but that’s okay, I’ll get him pie.


End file.
